Whale Penis SUV: Drivers Gain New Way to Compensate For Small Penis

Everyone’s familiar with the old saying, “the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis.” As a driver of a Smart Car, I can attest to the validity of this statement. No offence to readers who love big ballsy vehicles, but sometimes, when a man chooses the biggest, baddest truck, you have to wonder if he isn’t trying to compensate for something? With this in mind, it’s extremely appropriate that Russian automakers RussoBaltique—who historically designed vehicles for Tsar Nicholas, Vladimir Lenin, and Leon Trotsky—decided that the perfect material to upholster the seats of their new luxury SUV would be the leather of a whale’s penis.

Wanna have whale penis leather in your driver's seat?

Life in the Phallic Lane

Seriously, though, what better way to make yourself feel manly than to sit your ass down on one of the biggest penises of the animal kingdom? Bulletproof windows, a Kevlar-lined exterior, and a 400kw V8 engine just wouldn’t be enough. Maybe the whale penis was in order to counter-balance the ruby-encrusted speedometers that are maybe just a little too fruity. In any case, this 4-ton monster is said to be the most expensive SUV ever produced, and such status items are a popular form of psychological penis enlargement for many dudes out there.

From the cock of one monster to the cock-pit of another.

SUVs: Expensive Method of Penis Enlargement?

If SUVs and other macho vehicles are used by men to compensate for their penis size, then they’re sure to constitute a pricey form of penis enlargement, and one that doesn’t even work to actually enlarge the penis. Wouldn’t men benefit more from a little bit of v stretch penis exercise or other less-expensive and environmentally-damaging forms of natural penis enlargement? I guess then you wouldn’t be able to brag to your passengers that when they ride with you, they ride on a whale’s penis. That makes me think… I wonder if whale penis-loving Isabella Rossellini of Green Porno is going to invest in one of these vehicular monsters?

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