Small Cock, Big Bird Flu: Small Penis Size Causes Avian Flu?
A Duck with a big dick is less likely to contract bird flu
This news story may cause a surge in penis exercises and the purchase of penis enlargement devices in the duck demographic. Yes, folks, as it turns out, ducks with smaller penises are more likely to contract the dreaded bird flu. Hungarian researchers have discovered that not only is the disease sexually transmitted (amongst birds), but its also effecting the less-endowed males more than the ducks who pack big cocks. How can this be? Is avian flu swayed by the same cultural bias against small penises that plagues the duck community? Actually, say researchers, it has more to do with the complex vaginas of female ducks. Weird.
Evolutionary Cock Blocking & Duck Vagina Labyrinths
With all the swine flu paranoia making its rounds, the other more feathery flu has been pushed to the way-side in the media. But this story is too sexy to ignore. Researchers think that the reason that penis size seems to play into the frequency of infection has its roots in the evolution of duck sex organs, which has played out like a sort of “arms race.” Over the millennia, male ducks have grown more and more powerful and penetrative wangs, while the females have evolved to sport more and more complex and illusive vaginas. As a result, male ducks with bigger shlongs have far more sex because they are able to force themselves on even the most resistant and evolutionarily advanced female sex organs. But this seems counterintuitive, right? If they’re having more sex, why don’t the long-shlonged ducks get more sexually transmitted flu? Apparently, the more complex and labyrinthine a duck vagina is, the less likely it will transmit the flu to a duck penis. Who knew?
Ducks, Penis Size and Vagina Complexity
In conclusion, the smaller the duck’s penis, the more simple vaginas he’s going to encounter, and thus, the more avian flu he’s going to contract. Kind of makes you think. If you ever wondered why you were always so much more attracted to “complicated” girls, you were probably just afraid that the simple chicks would give you bird flu! But seriously, have you ever seen duck sexual organs before? They’re crazy.
A complicated Duck Wang
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