Bigger Penis Ain’t Always Better for Barnacles
The Barnacle Takes the Prize for Largest Penis
In the animal kingdom, there are a lot of insane dicks. If you thought that human males have funky looking junk, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve sampled some of the rest of the animal kingdom. For example, ducks and pigs have hideous corkscrew penises. Kangaroos have forked penises with testicles in front! Dolphins, God bless them, have penises that can grab, wrap around, and hold objects, like a monkey’s dexterous tail. But we’re here to talk about penis size and barnacles.
Long-Distance Deep-Sea Dicks
Barnacles, on the other hand, have the longest penises in relation to body size (up to 50 times their body length!). The evolutionary rational is that barnacles can just sit there all day long eating, and just reach all over the place and mate with whoever they want. Kind of gives new meaning to “long distance relationship.” I mean, imagine if human’s penises were 50 times their body length, and we could just sit on the couch eating Doritos and reach out the window and across the street to mate with a willing female? Kind of takes away the intimacy, doesn’t it? In any case, new studies show that in the case of barnacles, sometimes the longer penis isn’t always the best penis. As it turns out, when the water gets rough, long, flexible penises have a harder time performing than shorter, more muscular ones. Makes sense. (Maybe barnacles should be doing penis exercises to work on strength?)
Barnacles need to make sure their penis is strong enough to withstand turbulent seas
Love on the Rocks and the Motion in the Ocean
So if I’m reading this right, barnacles are in a similar situation to humans when it comes down to it. A longer penis can be good for getting the ladies, but at the end of the day, penile girth, and importantly, how you use it, are more important than sheer length. And barnacles prove that a little bit of intimacy and closeness can get you through rough times. I’ll never watch Disney’s The Little Mermaid the same ever again.
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