Shia LaBeouf, Celebrity Penis Size & Digital Dicks

To commemorate recent buzz about a new Transformers sequel, I thought I’d devote a post to Shia LaBeouf’s little pole. In a recent interview in Playboy, Transformers star Shia LaBeouf opened up about his experience losing his virginity. In addition to admitting that it was an awkward experience all-around (as it often is—no surprise there) he also admits that he possesses a mini-member. I guess it doesn’t take a huge penis size to make it in Hollywood. Here’s the relevant quote about Shia’s beef:

“I was shaking in my boots. Getting naked was very strange. It was the first time I’d been naked in the light, in front of a girl, with no hiding place. I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie. It put her at a weird angle, where I couldn’t get in correctly. I’m not extremely well-endowed… and clearly this wasn’t the move. We had a lot of sex and would read the Kama Sutra together and do the wildest shit.”

Needless to say, Shia won’t be dropping trow and showing his little wang on the big screen any time soon. However, if he did decide to bare his lil’ LaBeouf in the new Transformers sequel, he could always get a penis double. Or better yet, they could get the team of digital animators behind the gargantuan robots in Transformers to bestow upon him a massive CGI penis.

As a matter of fact, while they’re at it, I would suggest having Shia’s penis transform into an SUV. Not that I have any need or desire to see penises in movies in general, but if Shia LaBeouf’s member had morphed into a tow truck or a fighter jet in the first Transformers movie, I think I would have liked it a lot more. So if any Hollywood executives are reading this, I have three words for you: Robotic Submarine Penis. I’ll be expecting a fat Hollywood check in my mailbox promptly.

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