The Johnson Under Levi Johnston’s Levis

Who is Levi Johnston anyways, and why do we care about his penis size? The soon-to-be Playgirl model was tightlipped on the subject when asked about the size of his prize by New York magazine. Here’s the portion of the interview I’m referring to:

Levi - beneath his hand is the Johnson he's about to expose

“God, I feel weird asking this, but our friends on Facebook want us to ask you: How big is your penis?

A lot of people ask that, but you’re just going to have to wait until next week when the magazine comes out. You will have to wait and see. I’m sorry, you’re going to have to.”

But seriously, do people (whoever actually buys Playgirl?) actually expect to catch a glimpse of his actual penis size? In the world of photoshop, there’s no reason to be honest about the true size of Levi’s Johnson. But back to the original question, who is this clown, and why do we care? He’s a young wannabe actor who got Sarah Palin’s daughter pregnant who is now posing with his peen out in a magazine. So why do we care? In a word: politics. The real reason everyone is so curious about what’s hidden under Levi Johnston’s Levis, is that we want to see the penis that knocked up Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter.

Republican Dick

Levi Johnston: How big is his gun?

So what does Levi Johnston’s penis size say about the future of the Republican party of America? Your guess is as good as mine, and we’ll probably never know anyway because of the Photoshop factor that I mentioned earlier. When it comes down to it, Johnston is just a young aspiring actor looking to make a name for himself the way locals traditionally do it in his native Alaska: by pulling down his pants. Personally, I don’t have much of an opinion of the guy, but honestly, he’s probably a douche. So let’s all just do ourselves a favor and never speak of this again, okay?

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