Green Porno: Woman with Whale Penis Strap On

Ever wondered how a whale has sex? Well, it has a gargantuan 6-foot penis that it hides in its body so it doesn’t get bitten off by a shark. Then, when it sees a female whale, it waits until she turns around and…well, you can imagine what happens. But how do you show this sort of thing in an educational video? According to Isabella Rossellini, you dress up in a giant whale-penis costume and stick yourself into a hilarious cartoonish whale vagina. Enter Green Porno, a new arty and awesome series of education shorts.

You might recognize Rossellini—daughter of Ingrid Bergman and Roberto Rossellini—from such films as Blue Velvet and Death Becomes Her. Her penchant for nature lead her to this cheeky pursuit of documenting animal sex with crafty costumes and a deadpan delivery. A longtime nature activist, Rossellini decided to use humor to foster appreciation for how different animals make weird whoopee. Other highlights include this incredible episode about how different animal penises and vaginas fit together.

The series is airing on the Sundance Channel, but can be viewed online as well. On the website, there is a fantastic gallery of artful animal shlong paper sculptures (called “Name that Shlong”) that would definitely get you kicked out of high school art class—that is if animal penises weren’t so horrifyingly abstract and strange, like the cork-screw shaped Spotted Mouse Deer cock. Intended to be both educational and funny, the smart and sophisticated—yet totally silly—Green Porno is a refreshing change from the sex-ed videos and nature docs of old. So if you have an interest in nature, find weird giant animal cocks amusing, and love paper mache, you should definitely check out Green Porno.

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